


Things Q Likes that Start with K

by Dassandre



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Apologies, Crack, Creative Problem Solving, Dialogue-Only, Food Kink, M/M, Multi, Voice Kink, or could it be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 13:36:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19746820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dassandre/pseuds/Dassandre
Summary: “This isn’t going to work.”“Did I miss the part where you came up with a better idea?”





	Things Q Likes that Start with K

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boffin1710](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boffin1710/gifts), [AsheTarasovich (natalieashe)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natalieashe/gifts), [springbok7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/springbok7/gifts).



> This is a bit of an experiment in writing solely in dialogue, so it's a bit of a departure from my norm. I've only done this once before.
> 
> A bit cracky, I suppose.
> 
> This fills two boxes on the Classic Prompt Fill table for 007 Fest (Subterranean Lair and the Free Space).

“This isn’t going to work.”

“Did I miss the part where you came up with a better idea?”

“What do you think this is?”

“Takeaway from Mango Indian. Still missing your point. It’s not like he doesn’t have to eat.”

“Not just take away from Mango Indian. His  _ favourites _ from Mango Indian.”

“Hardly inspiring. We had it last week.”

“Hardly inspi--? Have you heard the sounds he makes when he eats their lamb korma?! Fuck me, it’s gorgeous. Feed him lamb korma every day of the damn week just to hear that.”

“Wait. Are you telling me you get off on watching him eat lamb korma?”

“Watching? No.  _ Listening _ …”

“Christ. So that’s why you drag him off to bed right after and leave me with the washing up. Ta for that, you git. You’re so not fucking him in his office after he eats that. No. No! And stop pouting.”

“Why is Alec pouting?”

“Hullo, Evie. James won’t let me fuck Q in his office after he eats the lamb korma I brought to cheer him up.”

“And that’s me never asking  _ that _ question again. So … moving on … what have you two done now that Q needs cheering up?”

“Why do you assume we did something It’s not always us.”

“Ninety-two point three seven percent of the time it’s the two of you, James. Q showed me the spreadsheet. So ...”

“She’s tapping her foot, Yasha.”

“I see that, Alec.”

“Now she’s crossed her arms. If she cocks her eyebrow, I’m out. Q can eat reheated korma later.”

“Coward. Fine. We may have …  _ accidentally _ , mind you … blown up Q’s pet project in Lab Four.”

“Lab Four?! Have you lost your mind? No one goes into Lab Four. It’s his Super Secret Subterranean Lair of Miracles and Wonders. This isn’t about trying to cheer him up. This is you trying to keep Q from murdering you in your sleep. Got news for you, boys. Forget that he practically gets off eating it -- yes, I’ve  _ heard _ the noises he makes -- lamb korma isn’t going to be enough. Talk about a shite plan. How either of you has managed to survive in the field truly is a wonder if  _ this _ is an example of the best plan you can come up with.”

“Alec’s plan. Not mine.”

“So what’s your brilliant contribution, James?”

“It’s in here.”

“In that cardboard box?”

“Yes.”

“James, why is the box making noises?”

“It’s what’s  _ inside _ the box --”

“Yes, Alec, clearly. What is inside the box, James?”

“Bond! Trevelyan! Get your sodding arses into my office NOW!”

“The Quartermaster belloweth …”

“Are you  _ trying _ to get us killed, Alec?”

“I’ll download your funeral requests from the server. Have them ready for … after. Inform Mallory he’ll have two eulogies to write. Keep the door open, though. I want to see--”

“NOW AGENTS!”

“Q we understand that you’re upset, and rightfully --”

“Upset, James?! That prototype you two blew up this afternoon was worth a quarter of a million pounds, upset doesn’t begin to … No, Alec! Did you not hear me?! Two hundred and fifty  _ thousand _ quid! If you think lamb korma’s anywhere near enough to atone for that kind of loss, you’ve -- Oh! Oh my! Well, aren’t you … wait. What?  _ Three _ of you in there? Oh, aren’t you just the most precious-- James, Alec … don’t think I still won’t kill you later, but oh, these kittens ...”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> “If you have consumed what I have laboured and invested in to create, and if you have found any enjoyment in it, please tell me so that I can recharge enough to do this again.” ~ kdreeva via Tumblr


End file.
